Shakespeare · Soliloquies & Solo Speeches
Production Notes
Mistress Page has just received a preposterous love letter from Falstaff — a man she barely knows, who has apparently sent the same letter word-for-word to her friend Mistress Ford. She reads it aloud, reacts to it line by line, and ends with a furious vow of revenge. The speech is pure comic delight: outrage channeled into wit.
Perfect for Players who want to work with direct address and shifting tactics. Mistress Page is never once at a loss — she’s always three steps ahead of the situation.
Script
MISTRESS PAGE
What, have I ’scaped love letters in the holiday time of my beauty, and am I now a subject for them? Let me see.
(reading the letter)
Ask me no reason why I love you, for though Love use Reason for his precisian, he admits him not for his counselor. You are not young; no more am I. Go to, then, there’s sympathy. You are merry; so am I. Ha, ha, then, there’s more sympathy. You love sack, and so do I. Would you desire better sympathy? Let it suffice thee, Mistress Page — at the least, if the love of soldier can suffice — that I love thee. I will not say pity me — ‘tis not a soldier-like phrase — but I say love me.
By me, Thine own true knight, By day or night, Or any kind of light, With all his might For thee to fight, John Falstaff.
What a Herod of Jewry is this! O wicked, wicked world! One that is well-nigh worn to pieces with age, to show himself a young gallant! What an unweighed behavior hath this Flemish drunkard picked — with the devil’s name! — out of my conversation, that he dares in this manner assay me? Why, he hath not been thrice in my company! What should I say to him? I was then frugal of my mirth. Heaven forgive me! Why, I’ll exhibit a bill in the Parliament for the putting down of men. How shall I be revenged on him? For revenged I will be, as sure as his guts are made of puddings.
Facilitator Notes
Warm-up: Practice switching modes mid-sentence — start angry, land in laughter. Let Players discover that Mistress Page is never fully one or the other.
Debrief prompts:
- How does reading the letter aloud change Mistress Page’s relationship to it? What happens when she shifts from letter-reader to commentator?
- Count how many times the word “sympathy” appears in the letter. What is Falstaff’s actual argument? Does Mistress Page refute it or just ignore it?
- The speech ends on revenge, not heartbreak. What does that tell us about this character?
- Where does the Player have the most fun in this speech? What choices make it funnier?